Monday, November 14, 2005

Hrab's Legal Department Responds

Ah, the plot thickens...Mr. George Hrab's legal department is now in the fray. Fortunately, they effectively bolster my case against CDBaby, and even hint that perhaps the distributor may not even be an actual baby.

With Mr. Hrab wisely choosing to align with my side of the case, things appear to bode badly regarding CDBaby's ability to deliver on the still unfulfilled special request I made.
Dear Rev. Ted-

Greetings from the land of all things Geologic. In response to your
current class action suit, the legal department here at the Geologic
Headquarters for World Domination (GHWD) has been advised to clear up
a few details regarding the exchange betwixt you and the disc
distribution company currently called "CDBABY" (CDBABY).

Whereas the REQUEST for a signed, in drag photo with accompanying
note was sent to CD BABY, the sent card announcing the release of
Mssr.Hrab's latest and mostest disc entitled INTERROBANG was MAILED
from Geologic records and NOT from CDBABY. One of our hundreds of
chained indentured interns who troll the internet found the Very
Reverend's blog and decided to act on his request of their own
volition, and NOT after a prompt from CDBABY.

We feel that this is an important detail that ought not to be looked
over when considering the "facts" in the "case" against CD "Baby".

Far be it from us to shill for the corporate yuch machine that is
CDBABY. Screw those guys. Screw 'em with a big black nozzle.

We do recommend however, that you buy Mr. Hrab's latest and besterest
disc entitled INTERROBANG from CDBABY as soon as it is available.

Hey a buck's a buck.

Thanks, and keep on suin'.

Legally yours*

Prof. Whizzo J. Wollsocket, Esq.

*this is not a guarantee or offer, but a colloquial closing.

George Hrab
Sadly, CDBaby could have avoided all of this if they had at least attempted the happy face stickers. But that ship has set sail.

Friday, November 11, 2005

From the Secret Email Files...

Dear Mr. Hrab:

Thank you for the nice note on your recent announcement card for the Interrobang CD release concert. As you probably are aware, I have launched a consumer whistleblower campaign against on my widely read blog. (I have over six regular readers.)

While I cannot make it to the CD release event (due to geographic issues, and the intermittent nature of my ability to astrally project myself--especially in the presence of skeptics), I appreciate your offer and will be enjoying your two previous CD's in lieu of attending your soiree.

However, I advise you that my campaign on CDBaby is quite likely to slow or stall sales, which could result in your becoming collateral damage in this cold war of words.

Sincerely thine,

Ted Haeger

Note to My 6+ Readers: This could all go south into an inadvertant harrassment case if I'm not careful.... If the blogs stop for 6-24 months, you'll know why.

Slowly the Goods Come In

The saga continues...

CDBaby records sent me the CD's. Nevermind the music...did they match the special requests?!

Here are CDBaby's initial grades:
  • Request: Please put a couple stickers with crudely drawn smiley faces on the back of each jewel case. The stickers can be on the cellophane, but please make sure the smiley faces are only one the back. Extra credit for work done in color.
  • Grade: F. They didn't even try.
  • Request: Note that says: "Dear Reverend Ted: It's about damn time that you bought these. Way to keep a girl waiting. I mean, really! --George Hrab" Extra credit for having Mssr Hrab actually sign the note.
  • Grade: C+. Along with the CD's, CDBaby included a large card with the requested text. The card looked like something that CDBaby uses for thankyou notes and the like. The text was laserprinted on a stick=on label. So, while CDBaby did in fact meet the requirements, the rather obviously re-purposed card retrofit with a label onto which my requested text had been cut and pasted demonstrates a lack of creativity not deserving of a higher grade.
  • Request: Include a picture of Mssr Hrab dressed in drag and standing on a street corner holding his thumb out as though he were hitching a ride, it would be totally hot. I mean H-O-T. Hot. Thanks.
  • Grade: F. Even in the face of extreme hotness, they didn't even try.
A postcard announcing George Hrab's CD release party for Interrobang came in the mail today. On it, signed by Mr. Hrab, was the note I had requested. It was small print in all capitals, but it meets the order well. Therefore, I upgrade CDBaby's evaluation on the second request to B+. However, the extra credit for the signature bumps CDBaby up to a solid A.
For what it's worth, the picture on the postcard was of Mr. Hrab completely naked, except for a pair of red, low-top Converse and a white disk bearing an interrobang (?!) covering his naughty bits. While Mr. Hrab appears to have plenty of time to spend in the gym, CDBaby does not get to count this toward the "Hrab in Drag" request. I'll settle for nothing less than the real deal.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Is a U.S. Scientific Renaissance Coming?

It's time to check in on how the most anti-science U.S. presidential administration in history is doing in the polls:

Certainly the President's decline in popularity is not primarily due to his attacks on science, but perhaps we can soon reverse the exodus of scientific talent from the United States.

See also:

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

CDBaby Responds (sort of)

Well, CDBaby responded in kind, although I'm not so sure it was really anything other than their standard message for all orders. Whether they fulfill the special requests I put on my order remains to be seen, but I think we're at least well aligned in humor.

Reverend -
Thanks for your order with CD Baby!

Qty Description Price Total
=== =========== ===== =====
1 GEORGE HRAB: coelacanth $10.00 $10.00
1 GEORGE HRAB: vitriol $10.00 $10.00

Sub Total $20.00
Shipping $3.85
Grand Total $23.85

Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make sure they were in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved 'Bon Voyage!' to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Tuesday, November 1st.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year". We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you once again,

Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby
the little CD store with the best new independent music
phone: 1-800-448-6369